One thing is for certain…life changes…it twists and it turns and it goes up and down. You fail, you succeed, you experience joy and you experience loss. To embrace this journey of uncertainty you need coping strategies to help you continuously move forwards and grow. These coping strategies give you resilience and allow you to bounce back and keep on keeping on no matter what.

When I study resilient people it is clear that they all hold certain habits and behaviors which lead to having resilience. This is something which has always been an interest to me as I am forever inspired by the human spirit and will to survive. And as a life coach my focus and goal with all my clients is to reveal to them the tools within to handle whatever life throws at them.

These are the 7 habits of highly resilient people I have identified and have seen to work over and over again.

1. Positive thinking

Resilient people have a foundation of optimism and think positively.  This means filling your self-talk with positive language. By positive, I do not only mean gentle, kind and supportive words to yourself…I also mean that your language must focus on what you want and not want you do not want and must direct your thoughts and actions towards what you are working towards. Here are 3 keys to positive language:

• Know your outcome and what emotion or end result you are wanting.

What is it that you want to feel? What is that you want to achieve? What is the resourceful action that is going to get you there? What beliefs do you need to have in order to get where you want to go? Positive thinking is about seeing the bigger picture and allowing that vision to inspire you forwards.

• Ask yourself better questions! Questions activate your thinking, so be aware of what questions you are asking yourself right now. Questions like, How am I going to cope, or why did I deserve this or why is this happening to me, will only activate your thinking to focus on all the negatives of your situation. When you ask yourself better questions you will activate positive action. Questions like, what can I do to make this work, how can this make me stronger, or what support or team around me do I need right now? Notice how those questions direct you towards a more positive outcome.
•  Focus all of your language on directing you towards your outcome. For example if your outcome is to stay calm and focused then you will eliminate any self-talk like…I do not want to feel stressed or anxious and you will say specifically I want to feel calm and focused. The more specific you can be, the more clear direction you give yourself.

1. The ability to reinvent yourself

Nature is forever moving in cycles and so are you.  When autumn comes a tree doesn’t hold onto its leaves as if its life depends on it. It allows the autumn to clear out the old and make room for the new. It allows itself to come back every spring more vibrant, more colourful, taller and stronger. Sometimes we hold on to situations or resist change in fear of the unknown, however when we see new opportunities to forever reinvent ourselves and start fresh we forever challenge ourselves and allow ourselves to grow.

Often something comes to an end in your life, it may be a job or a relationship, and you feel that you have reached the end and cannot see a new future for yourself. Healthy resilience is about allowing each cycle to end and then reinvent yourself to be better, bolder, stronger, wiser and grow. You never know what is around the next corner in life, you never know what opportunities are coming, so when you allow situations to reach closure with trust and enthusiasm, you open yourself up to the new, you allow yourself to transform, to rebirth and grow.

1. Clear vision, values and goals

Resilient people set goals, have a clear vision of what they want and know which values are going to get them there.

If you do not have a clear vision for yourself then get clear on that first. Write out where you see yourself in a year, where you see yourself in 10 years, in 20 years etc. This gives you a vision plan and helps you have clarity around what direction you are moving towards. When you visualize you program your Reticular Activation System (RAS), the part of your brain which programs your subconscious mind and helps you filter in relevant data. When you have a clear vision you will begin to filter in the necessary information to help you move forwards.

Goals offer you a point of focus and direction. Without clear goals and a vision you are like a plan travelling off par without a radar system.  Set specific and clear goals which  relate to your vision. Aim to break down each goal into bite size chunks which you can slowly focus on. Your goals will help avoid you from being distracted and thrown off par. When things go wrong you can access and reassess your goals and see what other steps need to be taken to make your vision a reality.

Values are the key emotions you wish to experience every day. They make up your positive mindset and allow you to create emotional leverage used to achieve your goals. Once you set your goals ask yourself, how will this goal make me feel? What will it bring into my life and what will it give me to achieve this goal? You want to elicit powerful values like happiness, joy, wisdom, courage, integrity, power, gratitude, love, trust, compassion…only to name a few.

1. Solutions focused

When you focus on the problem the problem persists, when you focus on the solution, the solution exists. Very often we focus on the problems we are faced with and go over and over those problems as if we were a record on a turntable (remember those) stuck playing a certain track. Sometimes we have to lift and shift our focus in a new direction to see a new perspective.

When you begin to shift your focus towards a solution, you always found one, as THERE IS A SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM. This requires you to stretch your current thinking, to challenge yourself and to have behavioral flexibility to try new things or go in a new direction.

1. Mind management

Understand the Neuro Science of your mind and nervous system. When you go into fear you go into fight/flight/freeze mode and react to situations.  When you are in this mode, you are in survival mode and are only activating your survival brain, whose goal is only to protect you and help you survive. This keeps you safe and small.

When you can bring yourself into a state of calm, you activate the frontal cortex, the higher mind which helps you make clear and rational decisions. When you are able to manage your mind and activate higher thought patterns, you also tap into your ability to communicate more effectively, use your will power, be compassionate and be more responsive and less reactive.

This involves working with your breath and focusing on key mind management skills, (see previous post for more on this…)

1. The 3 foundation emotions needed for mental wellness

These emotions are gratitude, trust and belief. These emotions allow you to develop a strong foundation to cope with whatever life throws at you. And these emotions remind you s of the coping resources you have within.

Gratitude allows you to focus on what you have, rather then what you don’t have. It allows you to find the blessings in your situation (there are always many) and it allows you to find some point of joy to focus on. Gratitude uplifts your mindset, attitude and energy rather than pulling you into a rut like negative emotions do. It helps raise your vibration and ensures your heart remains open and receptive to new opportunities.

Trust is the opposite of fear. Trust is like a strong trunk of a tree holding you sturdy and confidently. Trust is the basis of emotional health and without inner trust you will be in a constant state of worry.

When you trust yourself, you hold yourself stronger and take risks. Trust allows you to embrace uncertainty because you know and trust that whatever happens to you, YOU WILL be able to handle. You also open yourself up to a higher universal trust, which allows you to accept and work with whatever is in front of you right now, even if it is challenging.

Belief also gives you a foundation of resilience. When you believe in yourself you are focusing on your strengths and inner powers. You believe you can do anything and remain passionate and enthusiastic. Belief allows you to eliminate self-doubt and the voice of others who may be influencing you or bringing you down. Belief allows you to remain true to yourself and have integrity towards yourself.

1. Reframe Failure

One of the greatest fears I hear as a coach and one I had to work hard to overcome in myself is the fear of failure. We fear the judgment from ourselves and others when we fail. And this fear becomes the shackles which hold us back and stop us from taking risks or even trying. So in order to develop the habit of resilience we MUST break free from this fear and reframe (change our meaning) the way we think about failure.

One of the best statements I have heard is, there is no such thing as failure only feedback. When you hold this more empowering and more energizing perspective of failure, you use any mistake or any criticism as feedback for growing and feedback to help you do better. You remain unstoppable, and instead of pulling back or losing belief in the first glimpse of “failure,” you humble yourself, absorb the feedback, and become flexible and malleable to adapt yourself. You tweak and tweak and tweak until you succeed.

These 7 habits will help you build the muscles of resilience. These 7 habits will give you a point of focus to keep on building and keep on moving forwards. Be gentle, be graceful and know that you are stronger enough to get through any challenge life throws at you.

Download Cheryne’ s FREE COURSE, Be a Mindful You. This 3 day video series gives you simple strategies to dissolve your emotional reactions to difficult situations and practice more calm and focused Mindfulness instead. Download here.