Do you feel triggered when your partner enters the room? Do you instantly feel snappy and find yourself being reactive? When you reflect back at your communication with each other, is it peaceful or aggressive?

Do you find yourself questioning yourself or questioning your partner or do you find yourself angry or disappointed? Do you find yourself loosing attraction?

Well your body’s biochemistry explains why…

When we are with a person who makes us feel good, we release positive hormones. For women it is oxytocin and for men it’s dopamine. When a man makes a woman feel good by nurturing her, complementing her, pampering her or simply making her feel special or loved, she releases oxytocin. When a woman makes a man feel strong, worthy, appreciated, acknowledged and cared for he releases dopamine.

When this positive exchange of hormones is taking place we will feel drawn to the positive giver as the body is having a positive response. We feel drawn to them and we feel attracted to them, and because they are helping us feel loved, the nervous system remains calm and relaxed.

When a person makes us feel worthless, ugly, invisible, small, useless, used, abused, disappointed, frustrated or hurt we get triggered into a stress response. This is our Fight, Flight or Freeze mode, and when activated we become reactive, withdrawn or frozen in fear. When the body is triggered into this survival mode, we release cortisol and adrenaline which are the necessary chemicals to cope with stress. These hormones feel more toxic to the body, and the nervous system, in it’s wisdom makes you feel repelled by whatever is triggering you into fear or stress, in order to protect you.

So if you are constantly feeling tense and stressed with your partner either by their put downs or lack of acknowledgement then you will constantly be in a stress response, and over time your nervous system will feel repelled by them, causing you to loose attraction. You will feel a greater need for self preservation than connection. And so, this explains how we loose attraction over time.

This is a powerful tool to help enhance your relationship and take your connection to another level, because if you understand that you simply need to make another person feel good so they release their positive hormones, then you will be motivated and mindful around what responses you may be creating in them.

When they have this positive explosion of hormones, then they will feel more attracted to you and want to reciprocate. This will in turn help them to open up and make you feel good and, in turn, you will also get your hit of your own feel good hormones. This conscious connection and exchange of love will keep you attracted and drawn to each other.

Imagine if you and your partner had this awareness and were then committed to helping each other feel great every day? Imagine the connection and joy you will start to have between you two? Imagine the attraction, imagine the chemistry, imagine the harmony and passion…imagine the sex…

This means dissolving any past resentments, letting go of unrealistic expectations, giving up your stress story and your fear and stopping the communication patterns or behaviours which are stressing you both out. This means learning about how your partner needs to be loved and working towards making each other feel safe and special.

Here is an easy tip to get you started:

Most men want to feel appreciated and acknowledged- so women…acknowledge your man in the best way you can, and watch him step up into his role as your warrior. I’m sure he has a few suggestions for you 🙂

And for the men out there, reading this…
Make your woman feel seen and most importantly heard. Listen with kindness and with presence, listen with care and understanding (not judgement) and watch her open up and be your goddess.

Both men and women are sensitive and reactive to tonality, so mind your tone when you speak with each other, instead of communicating the frustration you are feeling within, take a deep breath in to self soothe your own emotion and speak in a calm, caring tonality that will definitely yield you a more positive response back.

This is mindful loving, this is conscious connection and this is the way to have a happy, harmonious and heart centred relationship with the most important person in your life.

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne

Find out more about Cheryne’s upcoming couples retreat in June 2017…

Meditation Play shop, Keeping Calm Amongst The Chaos, November 13 2016, find out more…