The hedonistic hangover echoes remorse from the inside of the toilet bowl.

Whyyyyyy did I eeeeeeeat thaaaaaat?

Whyyyyyy did I driiiiiink so muuuuuch?

Why do we over indulge?

Why do we go against ourselves?

Why do we sabotage our inner knowing for a moment of so called bliss, fun, adventure, joy, or the need to silence the nag of an inner craving?

What are we feeding? What are we trying to satisfy? Are we trying to fill ourselves up or numb ourselves?

And if we are searching for comfortable numbness, then why? Numb ourselves from what?

This week’s blog has been inspired by a book I read last week- When Hungry, Eat. This brilliant masterpiece by Joanne Fedler is a book about her personal weight loss and quest into the depth of her hunger. Joanne put words onto feelings I have tried to articulate for over twenty-five years. Let me explain…

For the past twenty-five years I have been in Australia, not only have a been on a rollercoaster ride of joy-pain-joy, I have also been on a rollercoaster of binge-starve-binge with my weight going up and down like yo-yo flung from my hand. Have I been distracting myself from a pain so great, the only way to silence it was to numb it? Have I just been numbing the pain of homesickness?

So it got me thinking…What do we do to numb ourselves from pain?

Are we just paper-shuffling our way through life with a busy-ness lacking presence? On reflection, the moments I had my weight tamed and maintained were the moments I was completely connected with me. When I was filling myself up with joy and purpose I felt full. And in the moments of loneliness, doubt or boredom this hidden craving returned like another one of those torturous Lego pieces you thought were sealed in magical Tupperware.

The vices we turn to…are they numbing agents?

When the pain of loneliness prickles up your spine, are you picking up your phone to see who can play with on social media? Are you reaching for chips to crunch through the silence? Is the shot of tequila a memory of life free of responsibility and burden? Is the weed a smoke screen to reality?

What if the pain was a prophet?

What I have learned most of all is that from pain comes growth. When we feel we heal. Instead of fearing pain will sink us faster than quicksand, there is a greatness which emerges from the depth of our core when we enter it and push through. When we face our pain we can face our deepest desires and fulfill them in a resourceful rather than remorseful way.

And every time we honour ourselves we fill ourselves up with integrity and self-respect- ingredients which will fill us longer than the entire bottle of booze or bag of bikkies. Such positive habits will build us with confidence and empowerment – the muscles of strength to accept our lot with humility, grace and gratitude.

And with acceptance, we can embrace the beauty in this very moment, the acknowledgment of the perfection in the imperfection.  We can fulfill our lives with greater happiness and purpose- our reason for being who we are and why we are here. And instead of numbing, running or escaping we can contribute to our lives with greater significance and enthusiasm.

So the next time you find yourself reaching for another distractor, stop pause and breathe. And in the gaps of silence ask yourself what you are numbing. Face it, hug it and fill it with a squeeze of self-love. With the utmost respect and integrity ask yourself what you truly need and how you can fulfill your deepest desires in the most meaningful and resourceful way.

Looking forward to hearing about your happiness habits…