In last week’s blog, I introduced you to the 5 faces of Anxiety: Worry, Anticipation, Prediction, Rumination & Catastrophising.  One point made was, ” By developing the muscle of trust, we can begin to let go of the reigns and be more present and in flow with life.” I  promised to elaborate on the concept of trust as an antidote to fear.  Then I remembered that I actually wrote an article on Trust last year. silly me :-)And so, I am reposting and elaborating on the steps to develop trust.

Trust is an essential emotion to feeling safe, secure and empowered. It is the foundation of mental well-being. However, trust does not always come easily. Past experience makes us more fearful and guarded and we tend to be more self-protective than trusting. If we have been hurt by others, it may be difficult to trust again. As mentioned, Anxiety can act like a control freak! It helps us desperately take control of situations or people that feel out of our control by creating worrisome or anticipatory thoughts. We also tend to focus on predicting outcomes or setting unrealistic expectations.

The key to building the muscle of TRUST lies in our ability to STOP Controlling our outer environment and be more IN CONTROL of ourselves. Being IN CONTROL of ourselves means that we are able to manage our thoughts, emotions and mindset so that we are consciously choosing where our focus goes. Because what we focus on is what we get!

Trust can be seen as one of the opposite emotions to fear. When we feel trust, we feel safe, grounded and more present. The difference between trust and fear comes down to the story we tell ourselves. And, with that awareness, we can make a choice . . . fear or trust. Imagine flipping a coin. Heads represent seeing the world through the eyes of trust, tails represents fear. In every moment you have a choice to flip your fear into trust.

“Fear needs to control; trust likes to flow.
Fear likes drama; trust is effortless.
Fear resists; trust persists.
Fear contracts; trust expands.
Fear creates expectations; trust accepts.
Fear judges; trust observes.
Fear is angry; trust is compassionate.
Fear looks outside for answers; trust searches within.”
(Excerpt from The Courage to be You, Cheryne Blom)

So what does it actually mean to trust yourself?

In my upcoming book, The Courage to be You, I offer you a model to flip your fear into a faith mindset. Faith forms part of a divine trinity of Trust, Belief and Faith.  Think of Trust as your right leg and Belief as your left leg. The two meet together in your heart to form Faith. Trust is your ability to surrender and flow with life (your feminine traits). Belief is having the confidence and determination to embrace your strengths (your masculine traits). I will focus more on belief next week.

For now, here are 5 key components to cultivating greater self-trust. Trust can be broken down as follows:

Timing – we trust that everything is always happening at the right time.
Resources – we trust that we have everything we need within us to handle challenge or adversity.
Understanding – we trust and understand that ‘The Universe’ is always conspiring for our growth.
Surrender- we let go and ‘actively-wait’ patiently, without trying to control people or outcomes.
Teacher- we trust that every person or experience is a teacher helping us learn our life lessons.

With healthy self-trust, we can listen to and trust in our intuition or inner guidance. When we begin to listen to and follow this inner compass we are led on our true path or destiny. We do not focus on where the path takes us or why (that is controlling). We trust that whatever path we chose is the ‘right’ choice. We follow through on all inspired thoughts and search deeply into the messages the people in our lives (especially the difficult ones) bring.

Like any muscle, trust needs to be flexed. The more we flip our fear into trust, the stronger and more confident we become. With more trust, life transcends. We can embrace uncertainty with enthusiasm. We begin to step out of our comfort zone and take risks. We leave stale or painful relationships or careers. We speak up and express our truth. We also trust in our creativity and reveal our true Essence to the world.

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favour in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
From Walden, Henry David Thoreau