New Client: “This is just who I am. I have always been this way and I always seem to default back to the same old ways. I am me, I am who I am and there is nothing I can do about it.”

I have heard these words from almost every client I have worked with. They truly believe that their personality and behaviour make up their identity and see minimal possibility in changing. And how could they? We do not know what we do not know, right?

My answer: “What if who you are right now is simply conditioning?
What if who you are right now is merely a result of every thought and every decision you have made?What if we challenged that conditioning? Challenged those choices? Could there be another way? Could there be another you?”

What I have witnessed is, once people are given permission to challenge their conditioning and begin to imagine a new way of being, a whole new reality opens up for them.

You see, this conditioning is not your ‘True-self’. Almost every decision made was based on who you needed to be in a moment of time in order to feel safe- to be accepted, feel worthy, feel good enough or loved. Every time you acted or thought the same way, you strengthened your conditioned self. And the more these conditioned ways became your patterns, you moved further and further away from your true self. For many of us, the journey away from our truth led us to forget who we truly are.

This contrast between the conditioned-self and the true-self exists within each of us. In my upcoming book, The Essence of You, I explain this duality as the difference between our Ego and our Essence.

“ The Ego-self is created in childhood the moment we feel threatened by our outside world. A significant emotional event — a new sibling arriving, a parent yelling at us, a kid on the playground saying something mean, a teacher humiliating us in the front of the class — shakes the certainty of the Essence and we begin to feel alienated from our environment. These are significant emotional events that imprint our belief system, thus forming our conditioned self. They are as impactful as a meteorite crashing to earth.

This imprint wounds the emotional body and leaves a trail of pain. Fear, therefore, can be seen as the body’s memory of pain. Where the Essence is wired for happiness, the Ego is designed to conceal pain and keep us safe. As our Ego-self starts to question itself and the world around it, we forget who we really are and get stuck in the pain of that emotion. Our personality modifies itself as a means of self-protection.

The authentic side of self is our Essence. It is the essential nature of who we are. It holds the blueprint of our true self and offers an understanding of our unique strengths, values and individual purpose. Our Essence is our inner knowing of who we are and what we require to be happy. It is our Wise Self. “(Excerpt from The Essence of You, Cheryne Blom)

Stop for a moment and think about what you do on a daily basis to prove your worth. Tune into your self-talk. Proving yourself sounds like this:
I have to lose more weight.
I have to get that job promotion.
I need him to love me more.
I should really be a better parent.
I must do more exercise.

All this proving amounts to one thing . . . PRESSURE. Pressure to prove. Pressure to please. Pressure to perform.

What if we stopped proving ourselves and began being ourselves?

Ask yourself this question:
If I had nothing to prove and was only being me, who would I be? What qualities would that ‘You’ possess? What would your virtues be?

For example, would you feel free, happy, inspired,  energetic, compassionate, peaceful, passionate, focused, kind, loving, generous, friendly or connected?

Now ask yourself this question:

If I want to BE these virtues, what do I need to DO? (What are your daily choices, action steps and habits?)

For example:
To be FREE, I will nurture myself and be more authentic in all my relationships
To be HAPPY, I will do one thing every day that lights up my soul.

Now think about what this gives you . . . Happiness, Freedom, Peace, Joy, Bliss, and Choice.

By giving up your ‘story of limitation’ and focusing on your truth, you to take personal responsibility for your own happiness. You get to BE YOU. No more self-pity, self-doubt or self-sabotage! Simply decide, who I need TO BE and what do I need TO do, to have what I want TO HAVE.

**Complete the full Virtues exercise in The Essence of You.
Scheduled for release early 2019.